The Machine

     Once put under the metaphorical microscope, modern society is fashioned after the workings of a not too complex machine. This machine runs on the fuel of expectations.. we have expectations for what childhood, adulthood, career, success, education, nature, and relationships are supposed to look like.  Consequentially, we are met with unparalleled stress when life doesn't look how the malfunctioning machine assured us it would.  Rebellious children, lying adults, a dwindling career, poverty, natural disasters, failed relationships... are not only reacted to with grief and human understanding... but with shock and malevolent surprise. "I took all the steps, i pushed every button at the time I was told, I watched the conveyor belt moving forward.. then the machine exploded.  How could this happen?"  Our societal machine has Mother Nature down to a science.  Earthquakes can only shake so hard.  Hurricanes can only get so big.  Loss of human life can be controlled and calculated.  When she proves her strength, stretches beyond the boundaries of our machines... she becomes a cold calculated villain.  The nature machine has a glitch.. time for a software update.  A well oiled machine is without surprise.. no discomfort... no guilt.. no suffering... no insecurities.. and no fear.
     Much of our confusion, sorrow, and sense of failure.. stems from the fact that humanity makes a horrible machine.  We react in ways that cannot be predicted, sometimes even surprising ourselves with our strengths and weaknesses.  We seek each others acceptance to the point of violence, lashing out in desperate attempts to be seen.  We love with our whole bodies, in ways deeper than modern science can begin to understand.  Our energies are connected to all of nature, similar I suppose to the parts of a machine, but connected by subconscious understanding of interdependence... a system far more spiritual than mechanical.
     We set up an economy on the machine mentality.. watching graphs of money go up and down on a screen.... as we the buyers and sellers operate our part of the supply and demand machine.. pushing buttons and swiping cards.. doing our duty for the economic computer we depend on.
     We go to schools like factories... learning to fall into our place at the conveyor belt.. pushing products and ideas down the line to be absorbed and sold.
     We fall in love as robots, expecting relationships to be calculated and easy to understand.  If you say this he says this.. if you feel this he feels this... you get married.. you have babies.. you grow old and invest in your retirement... and then you grow old happily and move to a quaint little nursing home.
     The machine hums and moves and progresses and becomes all encompassing... every facet of our lives is fueled by the natural gas of our robotic expectations.
     Then... the machine malfunctions.  We realize not the machine mentality's flaws.. but instead mourn for our own, seeing ourselves as the unique failures for our supposed shortcomings and worthlessness.  We sit in shame as we, the human failure, see our lives as vast disappointment.
     Realize this: humans are beautiful spiritual animals... built with mystery and magic in our blood.  We are destined to live with surprise and fear and rage and love... uninhibited by the bounds of a machine.  Your soul longs for ecstasy, nature, freedom, and mystery.  We make excellent lovers and explorers, but terrible machines.  Own that.
      I made the strange, rather impulsive decision, to postpone school.  I felt the machine underneath the motivations of my life's journey and decided to step back and sit in the quiet.  It's terrifying and I can feel the transitory calm before the revolutionary storm.  But here I am... waiting for the cosmic signs as to how to purpose a life unlimited by my own expectations, and resigning from my duties at the societal factory.